OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
