my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
