Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
