wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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