On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pappa wants mamma naked
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
