The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
