dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't deserve a penis
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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