please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
