i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
