He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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