That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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