I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
