??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
