plz talk dirty to me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
