new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
