Swine flu. Run for my life!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
