champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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