8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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