I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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