I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
