i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
