i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
