i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
