It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
