I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
