Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
