Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
