1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
