i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Holy shit dude........stairs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
