This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
