How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
