What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
