I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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