unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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