Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
