oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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