I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
