I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
