Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
