Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
