We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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