the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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