I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize