you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My life is pants optional.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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