Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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