A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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