Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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