I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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