saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wanna go halves on a baby?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
