youre lurking in front of me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
