You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
