girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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