Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I only lived at night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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