I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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