why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
