Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
