I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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