There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
