Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
