Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
