he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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