Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize