I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
