Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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