I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
