WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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