I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
