i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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