Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
